Why do we often choose familiar yet unhealthy partnerships?
Some of my clients have relayed their frustration with being unable to meet their potential partners because each encounter ends in another hurtful, and similar outcome.
One of the big reasons for this is they become very attracted to a certain type. They keep going back for more of the same because it is what they know, and what they are initially attracted to! This is one of the big risks of staying in familiar environments that continue to tear down your self-worth.
Some men and women are addicted to having intense physical chemistry with someone, making that their only priority. They do not have much else in common other than sex. Others are attracted to people who remind them of their Ex, which keeps their mindset focused on repetitively choosing the same type. This becomes a commonplace practice in their dating choices, but they don’t always see the comparison.
Quite often, when you don’t have proper closure from a breakup, and you are still holding onto feelings for someone, you seek out similar characteristics in other people. Subconscious memories from an unhappy or difficult childhood could also make you choose certain partnerships. It feels familiar and gives an illusion of a comfortable bond.
As I have expressed in numerous posts and videos, familiarity is not always a good thing. It can give a false sense of security and comfort. Unfortunately, this feeling is usually short-lived, and the relationship becomes a repetitive cycle of déjà vu.
The important thing to learn in any relationship is not to REPEAT dysfunctional patterns.
- If this is becoming a very habitual way of life for you, it might be time to get some counselling to help you through this tough place you keep reenacting. It is crucial to learn how to move on quickly when you feel any unsafe discomfort, and also understand how to identify toxic familiarity in your life.
- Take some time away from dating or being in any relationship. This much-needed space will help you gain clarity into why you are choosing similar partners or scenarios that are not working out for you. What is the biggest draw? What are you holding onto, and is there some unfinished business that needs addressing from your past?
- You are in charge of who you attract toward you, so please pay close attention to who you let into your life. Take your time to trust people and go slow when you do go back out dating again. Use some self-control when it comes to intimacy! Sleeping with someone too soon can cause you to become emotionally connected before you really know who they are. This can promote a false sense of closeness that isn’t reciprocated.
Once you understand why there is a similar pattern taking place, it is much easier to alter your decisions and make healthier choices going forward. Respecting yourself first should always be a priority in any life decisions you make. Acknowledging the problem, and the part you play in it, will bring you closer to achieving the love you desire in a potential partnership.
*Please click on the link below to read an insightful post by another WordPress contributor about how trauma can attract us to specific individuals in our lives. It’s a remarkable article, well worth your time!❤️
Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me @ dearsybersue@gmail.com and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook
Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column – Dear Sybersue Instagram