We always look for the obvious red flags when dating someone new, but “selective silence” or evasiveness can be a subtle problem that many men and women are not paying close enough attention to. Being secretive or shut down from certain conversations may be a big warning sign of something they are hiding, or afraid to share with you.
What they don’t say matters just as much as what they do say.
Most people show you who they are early on, and this is the most important time to acknowledge their behaviour. Listen to what they have to say, watch their body language, and be aware of how they treat you and other people when you are out on a date.
Do they make eye contact with you, or do their eyes wander? When people aren’t being truthful they have a hard time looking someone in the eye or they can stare intensely at you to prove or embellish a point they are trying to make. This can also be an intimidation tactic to control your attention and gain trust with you.
Understanding Early Dating Dynamics!
Observing the early discussions is very important on a date and can make or break the option of having a second date. You shouldn’t have to work that hard to get someone to open up when the connection between the two of you is on a reciprocated communicative level. It should feel comfortable and have a natural flow.
Dating is all about getting to know someone but some people think that when their date is quiet it somehow makes them interesting and mysterious! A touch of mystery can be alluring but not at the expense of overlooking who they really are. Take things slow and get to know them before you jump in blindly making assumptions about who you think they are.
Some people are a little more introverted on the first few dates, but this is where you need to understand the difference between a natural shyness, or someone who is being cryptic and unforthcoming. Whenever in doubt about someone’s sincerity, please listen to your intuition. It is seldom wrong!
Important conversations they may avoid discussing on the first few dates.
- When asked if they are looking for a committed relationship, they redirect the question to a different topic, or they tell you they are not sure what they are looking for at the moment. (If they tell you they just got out of a relationship, this is a big red flag that they are not ready for anything but casual dating.)
- They have nothing good to say about their Ex or shrug off discussing even the simplest questions as if their relationship never existed. I certainly don’t condone having conversations about exes on the first couple of dates, but it is another red flag when a past circumstance pops up and there is obvious disrespect for their Ex.
- They are shut down and ambiguous about what they want in their future. Forget about the 5-year plan, they don’t even have a 2-month plan!
- You are the one who is continually leading the conversation, while your date is answering with short sentences that don’t allow a reciprocated discussion.
- You are picking up on defensive body language reactions to any personal conversations. They are closed off.
- There is a disconnect when discussing anything personal. They come across as emotionally unavailable.
- They are evasive about many things but are very open to discussing anything sexual.
- Their texting is vague and their words come across as guarded or cautious. They also may take a long time to answer your text which leaves you feeling undervalued. (When someone is really excited about getting to know you, they keep the conversation openly communicative and friendly. They don’t leave you on hold or feeling benched!)
Not everyone you date will be a reciprocated connection.
You date people to get to know them and see if you are a good fit. You want to meet someone compatible with you. You will not mesh with everyone you meet, which is so important to comprehend. Taking things personally when you seldom get past the first date will keep you stuck for a very long time and play havoc with your self-esteem.
Take your ego out of the equation and be honest about what didn’t transpire on your date. It has to be a mutual connection for it to move forward. It’s OK when it isn’t and it is much better to find out early than to put time into someone who isn’t really into you.
Change up who you date and be mindful of repetitive patterns that aren’t working for you.
Many men and women have a type and that is what gets them into trouble. They keep going back for more of the same unhealthy choices which always end up in another short-lived unfulfilling scenario.
Dating today is certainly not an easy process and you will naturally have to go through a learning curve. Knowing when to move on from the wrong situation, will bring you closer to meeting an amazing partner. Putting energy into healthy dating choices will eventually lead you in the right direction. Believe in yourself and have faith that love will find its way to you. Be clear about what you are looking for in a life partner.
In my coaching experience, three things aren’t working for many men and women when it comes to dating:
- They aren’t giving people a chance due to their high-maintenance checklists. They walk away too quickly.
- Many men and women base everything solely on physical attraction.
- They spend too much time with someone who isn’t interested in them, and they barrel through every red flashing light without caution.
There needs to be self-respect and healthy boundaries when you are dating or deciding to be in a relationship.
People are becoming very insecure due to judgmental attitudes!
If you are just as picky and judgmental as everyone else, how will anyone ever get together to have a potential partnership? This is part of the problem today and why so many people are fed up with dating.
If everyone is critically judging their date within the first 10 minutes of meeting them, do you think this is a fair assessment to make that early on? This is sabotaging any chance of having a successful connection because you are already condemning it before it has even started.
As an astute dater: you will look at the whole picture and pay attention to important human etiquette, instead of just prioritizing how lustfully attracted you are to them. Sexual intimacy is always important but it’s not the only thing that makes a great partnership. You also comprehend that there is so much more substance needed to have a well-balanced long-term commitment with someone.
It is imperative to enjoy each other’s company and have fun together if you are working toward having a solid foundation. Intense chemistry isn’t enough to sustain a healthy committed relationship. You have to really like each other too! Pay attention on those first few dates and don’t ignore your inner voice. Your intuition is your best friend in all aspects of your life!
I love to hear from both men and women & will always take time to answer you back. Please leave your comments below! Do you have something to share that can help others?
Thank you, Sybersue xo <3
Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me @ dearsybersue@gmail.com and please message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!
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